I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
