Moan for me like Helen Keller
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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