you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
