we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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