Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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