the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
