A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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