God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
