Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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