Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
