I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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