i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
