he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
