my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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