2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
