Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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