just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
