i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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