looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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