I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
