You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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