a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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