Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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