Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
