So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he had hair everywhere except his balls
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
