Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
