You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
