dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
