HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
