Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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