You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
