Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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