It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
