Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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