how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Moan for me like Helen Keller
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize