Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize
