Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
