Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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