I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
