I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
