The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
