There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
