garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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