Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
