Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
