I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
