I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
