I'm going to jail i love you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
