Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
