In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
