my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need water and some morals
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
