just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
