you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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