True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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