two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
