We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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