I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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