Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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