I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
