This is not my ceiling
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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