I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize