i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
