Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think my mom watched the whole time
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
