Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do herpes really smell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
