Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my shit smells like andre
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
