Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
