You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
