i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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