No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
